Beauty

Beauty,
is not the perfect alignment of the
factions of your face,
not the smooth but edgy curves
of your hips, waist, legs,
not the perfect flowing hair,
eyelashes so long
they touch my face.
real beauty,
is a smile, teeth maybe not perfect
but so breathtaking,
it makes your heart go warm
with the sincerity of those eyes
and those lips
that even not smiling
make you want to smile back.
beauty is the powerful music
that comes from your heart,
that passion, that fire
that draws people in,
your wishes, beliefs,
that twisted mind
so beautiful, so deep.

Insomnia

I lay awake
facing the ceiling I know so well
The tears fall,
like the furious storm outside my window
and the current of thoughts
like a desperate river
in a rainy weather
that fills my head
My breath is short
the dream now gone
it took the sunshine, it took your face
the face I loved so dearly,
a love that was never returned,
stayed in my heart to torture me,
I guess I'm not worthy of your love.

To You

 To You:

              Years have passed since the last time we talked and dear, I cannot take it anymore. You probably are not hurting, you probably forgot about it many years ago but I haven’t, and even though it wasn’t my fault I do feel like it is because you put the blame on me and now is difficult to take it off. But I have no courage to call you, or to message you, I cannot. Why? You may ask; why can’t you if you were able to do it in the moment of the fight? Because in that moment we weren’t broken, now we are, and I’m deeply scared of what the sound of your voice could do to me. I can’t listen to the voice that used to call me on the phone to tell me funny stories now being cold and distant, it’s already too painful to know that we are distant, that there is nothing there, unlike the others, there is no bridge connecting us, there is no rope tied to our hearts that would keep them together how they should be. I cannot carry with all this words inside of me anymore, and I cannot say that I am sorry, because once I said it to give you the pleasure. It was not my fault, and you can blame everything on me but you created it, you messed it up. I’m sorry, you know, I’m sorry that we didn’t last, and I hope I could go back in time before any of those things happen and I could fix them, so we could still be friends and you would be part of my life. Why am I writing this letter? Because I loved you, and it hurts me to know that I lost a dear friend even though I do not have the strength to try it again, you were priceless and anyone would be lucky to be friends with you, but me, I cannot anymore. After glass is broken it cannot be unified. That’s what happened with me, every accusation was a bullet breaking my glass, our glass, and even though my intentions are not to be friends again, I forgive you and I hope you forgive me to, because we are human beings, and humans commit mistakes.

Someone that loved you once,

Me.

Note: A letter that was supposed to be on a story but I never wrote it so it just stayed there, so I hope you like it :)

Questions

Life is full of empty questions

without answers, left unasked

I wish there was a book with chapters,

that would teach me about this life

How my tongue burns when I lie

  How my heart just loves to smile

and how he cries

most of the time there are

just reasons to cry

How do people fall in love

How does 'I' becomes and 'us'

Why does the sky, so big and blue

can’t give me answers, can’t give me cures

cures to heartache and salty tears

mean words, unwanted fears

How to let go and forget

How to move forward without regrets 

Where I come from

I come from a house with rules

homework always done, before watching TV

Never eating in bed, and at bed by 8 pm

until I turned ten

Not leaving the house, unless I was going to my grandparents

Papa made me sit and do grammar

Mama stuffed me with coconut homemade ice cream

and orange juice with pieces of bread

“estate tranquila” was their favorite phrase

“please stop swinging in the rocking chair”

I come from a little town, maybe little but alive

then from the city

 a little city in a little country I call the DR

A house where if you take a 99 from school

“what happen to the other point?”   

my mom would ask

Where giving up is not an option even if you already fell

There I learned to be strong and have faith

There wasn’t gold, sometimes we lacked love

but hope never left

A loving dad who cares

“I’m proud of you” “You are the best”

A dedicated mother who works twice as hard

That keeps on going, ignores the sad

Who shaped me, taught me to be honest and fair

They never gave up on me

They are the reason I am who I am 

Amazing week at the Alice Hoffman retreat at Adelphi :) I wrote so many poems! I'll upload them later! :D

Not an Option

Five years had just flied

But my heart stills the same

I don’t think he’ll ever change

He will love you till the end.

Great… I thought when I saw the couple sitting in the bank I sit every day. I kept my distance from them. It was a man and a woman, around fifty years old. The man looked in my direction but didn’t notice I was there; he was looking at some kind of advertisement for pills. Five minutes later the bus came and they got up. I sat on the bank while the bus door closed in my face. I still remember when I used to take the bus to go to college. The clock over the store marked 3:45. I have always liked to go early so I don’t miss any second of her. I had to sit and wait for fifteen more minutes.

 I saw Karen walking down the sidewalk in front of the store; she was smiling, holding hands with Mark. They were laughing as they talk but suddenly they stopped when they walked in front of the bakery, I didn’t get to hear what Karen said but for the look on her face I supposed it was about me because that bakery was my favorite. Mark hugged her and they kept walking. I was amazed by how many names I knew from my college classes but how just a few of them were really my friends, and just a few of them knew about the bakery. Karen always used to get cupcakes for me from that bakery. I was remembering how I used to eat more than one at a time and Karen would fight with me to leave some for the others when I saw the car coming.

She parked in the front parking lot as she always did. When she got out of the car and started walking toward the store I raised my hand and I touched there, in that place where my heart used to be and I remember how he used to jump every time I saw her, and how he used to make me smile so much that my cheeks would hurt for days when she smiled at me and how much he made me cry when I was away from her and I wanted to hug her. I saw her order her favorite hot chocolate and her favorite donut and then she sat alone in one of the little tables outside. I was amazed by how the years passed and I was still the same but she became even more beautiful every single day, her brown hair longer, her eyes brighter.  Every time the cool autumn air blew her cheeks blushed and I smile. Then her phone rang. Hearing her voice was the most amazing thing, all the emotions it raised inside of me… I’ll never get use to them, mostly when I thought in that dark moment that I was never going to listen to it again. I just wished I could do it the twenty four hours of the day. I wish I could be there when she wakes up, spend my whole day by her side and then protect her while she sleeps. But all I have are these short fifteen minutes that she spends in the café, sometimes more, sometimes less. I can’t get closer to her. It’s prohibited. I can’t smile at her, I can’t protect her, I can’t keep bad things away from her, I’m not supposed to love her anymore but I can’t forget her. Forgetting her is not an option.

She got up and walked towards the little door on the front.  She looked at the bank, maybe at the advertisement of a new store pasted behind me; she shook a bit her head and then kept walking. I wonder if she still remembers me, it was so long ago. I can’t believe five years had already flown away, five long lonely years. She used to smile every time she saw me. I still remember how happy that made me and how sad I was when I didn’t see her. Fifteen minutes is not enough time to figure out if she thinks about me, if she remembers me. Years ago I used to suffer because I had that human heart that was so weak, so broken, and I had limited time near her. I never knew how she felt, what her thoughts were… and now all I want is to be how I was, go back to when I could hold her, when she smiled at me and would smile back. I think she used to love me, not in the way I wanted her to but she loved me in her own way.  A way I will never understand but always appreciate. And sometimes I wish she hadn’t love me, because that day my pain doubled watching her crying as a friend gave her the news, watching her crying as she touched my pale face as I laid there, watching her crying the day I was gone. 

I Want To

Forget all the words

Forget all the smiles

Forget all the times

I looked at your eyes

Forget all the advice

Forget all the love

Forget that someday

I wished to be yours

Forget all the help

Forget the support

Forget your smooth laugh

Forget all the jokes

Forget that I trust you

Forget that I owe you

Forget when I hugged you

 Forget that I love you 

Fireworks

I sit on the ground
my face towards the sky
not a hint of pain
not a wish to cry

But the thought is there
I feel it in my heart
and I know I wish
you were here by my side

I watch with a smile
the dark blue,
full of colorful lights

I wish you were here
have your hand in mine
I silently hope
you are seeing the same sky

Awake

I know the sun is beautiful

I know it shines so bright

I know it could give my tunnel,

a little light so I could walk

But I can't see it behind dark clouds

that cover my sky

it has turned black

the wind is blowing

I'm freezing cold 

I'm lonely, it’s dark

Funny, I know the sun it’s watching

yet I'm just sitting underneath the tree

funny, you give a warm blanket

but I refuse it, I'd like to freeze 

I sit, I stare, I punish myself

I don't move, I don't blink

I fill my mind with dust

Dust that blocks the little light 

that enters through the edge of the door 

‘I love you’, you say

‘you are worth it’ 

I don't believe you, it’s a lie

I kiss my wrists, I hope to heal the

ruby scars that shine in the dark

The lake is silent

as I walk towards it

the rain its falling so hard it hurts

tsunami ties that dare to drown me

I let them, though

But then I see it, across the lake

I see a ray of pure clean light

I think I'm dying cause its freaking cold

but it turns out it’s my saving call

I see that light’s coming through my clouds

the storm is going away

I raise my face for the sun to kiss

and I can feel the corners rising up

patiently I sit, the clouds are leaving

I'm still not worth it, but all is clearer

the sun was just hiding, he didn't leave

he took my hope but now it’s back

Can you believe it? 

There's a rainbow! 

there's birds, there's light,

everything's alive

Butterflies kiss my writs graciously 

they forgive me for being wrong

I feel happy they healed in time

I smile as I wake up

I twirl and jump, I realize

I didn't know it but I'm alive 

Note. This is for my beautiful tumblr followers <3

Safe Pillow

My knees never heal

But why would they?

If every time I fall

I land on them every day

I’ve never found a pillow

Where to land safe

Or a back-up net

To save me when I fail

Once I hit the ground

I push myself up

Recollecting little pieces

People were stepping on

No one came to help me

Especially who I more waited for

Some said I was faking

That my knees had fake blood

All I saw were tears

Dropping from eyes

All I felt was pain

Deep inside my heart

I wiped my blood away

And that day I learned

To never hope to find a pillow

If I didn’t put it there myself

To all of those hearts…

Stupid heart that loves everyone

That gives everything and gets nothing back

That loves who he shouldn’t and kills his own spark

That lays on the ground to be stepped on one more time

That lives every day, to see you smile

And every day pays, being a human heart

That wishes to be close to you in the light

You are his safe heaven, his point of start

That miserably looks at you with tears in the eyes

Of this human body who’s weak but alive

He wishes to break out, to go on his own

He wishes to be the one that gives you support

He wants you to love him, as much as he does

He wants you to tell him, your deepest thoughts

Your feelings affect him, they change his deep mood

He cries for your love, as he smiles at you

He wonders what you feel, if you think about him

He knows you don’t love him and you never will

He accepts his destiny, he knows how it is

But he can’t stop wanting to realize his dream

His time is fast passing; he will soon have to go

He doesn’t want to leave you but he has to move on

He knows, when the time comes, you’ll forget about him

But there is nothing he wants more than to keep you close to him

He fills me with sadness, put tears in my eyes

But I try to fight him and give you a smile

I cover his love, his sadness, his gloom

While he stays in the corner to watch over you

He thinks life is cruel, gloomy and unjust

But he wants to live it, alive he met you

Independent, a rebel, is just what he is

He feels what he wants and doesn’t care about me

“Why does he love you?” I ask everyday

“Why can’t just he, listen to my brain?” 

Winning Is Losing

BOOM! There was a loud explosion in the distance and then the lights went out.  The bombing started again.  I jumped out of bed quickly and ran to my little sister’s bed.  I took her out and went running to the basement.  A couple of minutes later my mom ran to the basement too.  Another three bombs exploded outside, one closer than the other.

We had no choice but to hide in a corner in our dark and humid basement.  It was the only place that was safe because it had no windows and it had walls of concrete.  I did not feel safe; not at all.  That innocent feeling of security was ripped out of me with metal teeth the day they came and took my father and brother away.  That day I stopped being a boy and became a man.  I left behind my toys, including all my cars and my little soldiers.  I did not have time to play anymore. Every second of my day was filled with chores to do for my mom, studying languages and teaching my three-year-old sister to read and write.  She was so smart for her age, just like my father and brother.  She was so lucky.  I was so jealous of how she would just sit on the floor with her colored pencils and draw the entire afternoon while we waited for mom to come home.  Sometimes I wish I was thirteen years younger so I would be her age, but I regretted it right away.  Who would take care of my family if I became a baby again?

In the basement my sister wouldn’t stop crying.  She would shriek loudly every time a bomb exploded or we heard gun fires.  I started singing in a low voice for her the song my dad always sang to tuck her into bed.  My mom smiled at me, with a smile that hurt me deep inside.  She looked ten years older than her real age.  The last two years without my father had been hard on her, but she never let herself go down the hole of grief.

I walked to the other side of the room to take some blankets from a box of provisions we had there.  My mom was shivering in spite of her long pajamas.

“Go to sleep Mom,” I said as I covered her and Leslie with the blanket.

“No,” she said “you need your sleep more than I do, Jim,” I shook my head.

“You have work tomorrow, I’ll be doing nothing, sleep Mom,” I kissed her on the cheek and dimmed the light of the flashlight.  I sat there in the corner of the dark room thinking about how much my life changed in the last few years.  War ended up destroying all my dreams and my family as well.  The week before my father and brother were taken away we had planned to move to my grandparents’ farm.  But now we couldn’t.  No one was allowed to leave.

Suddenly, there was silence outside.  Finally over, I thought.  I heard a strange sound upstairs. It was so subtle that I thought I imagined it.  But there it was again.  As I was covering my mom and sister with some boxes to hide them, my mom woke up and looked at me confused.  I brought my finger to my mouth.

I went up the stairs slowly and silently.  I took my old baseball bat and opened the door.  The room was dimly lighted.  Whoever was there had a flashlight.

“Dad!” I screamed when I saw his face.  I ran to hug him, “Where’s John?” I asked him concerned.

“Right here,” John said.   I ran to hug him too.   They both looked thin and tired.

“Is the war over?”

“Yes,” he said smiling.  “The troops are being taken out, we are not supposed to be here yet but I wanted to see you.  Where are Jane and Leslie?”

“In the basement,” I heard a noise coming from the front of the house.  We all turned to see and my dad held his gun close to him.  A soldier entered the house and aimed at my father.   I pushed him out of the way and felt something going through my stomach.  I fell on the floor shaking.  I heard two more gunshots and then my father’s face appeared in front of me, my brother next to him.

“Jim, please. Don’t go, please,” I heard my father beg.

“I love you,” were my last words.

 My brother and father leaned over my empty body.  My mom came upstairs with my sister in her arms.  She smiled so happily when she saw my father and brother, but stopped when she noticed the tears in their eyes.  She dropped on the floor with them.  They cried and screamed for a long time.  They were free to do whatever they wanted, to go wherever they desired.  But they couldn’t, they couldn’t leave my side.  The war was over and the country won, but they didn’t.  They lost the most precious thing that day.

When I Knew

I’d never forget when I saw your tears

That’s how I knew the end was near

That’s when my world was completely destroyed

That’s how the pain beat down my soul

What did you do to receive all this pain?

I hate seeing you cry but my words are in vain

I can’t have you close, I can’t keep you away

I wish I gone from your life and this place

It’s hard because I know that you want me to stay

But my dear, I can’t, even though I feel the same

That you deserve more is so hard to accept

I don’t know if I’m right, this just doesn’t make sense

That light in your face goes right to my heart

It causes me pain, it would never be mine

I know you deserve someone that will give you his love

I know my dark soul should never be yours

Why is it that I dream with you next to me?

Holding my hand, but setting me free

I don’t want to hurt you but I know that I will

Please just forget about the love that we feel

My heart is so full of pain and regrets

I wish I could take it and throw it away

He makes it his duty to not let me forget

That next to your heart he will never be safe

Hello :)

Hello everyone! I made this blog because I love writing and I've always wanted to share it but never really knew how. I used to have another blog about a short story but I deleted it. Feel free to comment or question and I hope you really enjoy my writing. Sometimes I'll post poems in Spanish, btw :) I'll also post pictures I find on the internet, none are mine unless I specify. I hope you like it!!! Thank you! :D