Winning Is Losing

BOOM! There was a loud explosion in the distance and then the lights went out.  The bombing started again.  I jumped out of bed quickly and ran to my little sister’s bed.  I took her out and went running to the basement.  A couple of minutes later my mom ran to the basement too.  Another three bombs exploded outside, one closer than the other.

We had no choice but to hide in a corner in our dark and humid basement.  It was the only place that was safe because it had no windows and it had walls of concrete.  I did not feel safe; not at all.  That innocent feeling of security was ripped out of me with metal teeth the day they came and took my father and brother away.  That day I stopped being a boy and became a man.  I left behind my toys, including all my cars and my little soldiers.  I did not have time to play anymore. Every second of my day was filled with chores to do for my mom, studying languages and teaching my three-year-old sister to read and write.  She was so smart for her age, just like my father and brother.  She was so lucky.  I was so jealous of how she would just sit on the floor with her colored pencils and draw the entire afternoon while we waited for mom to come home.  Sometimes I wish I was thirteen years younger so I would be her age, but I regretted it right away.  Who would take care of my family if I became a baby again?

In the basement my sister wouldn’t stop crying.  She would shriek loudly every time a bomb exploded or we heard gun fires.  I started singing in a low voice for her the song my dad always sang to tuck her into bed.  My mom smiled at me, with a smile that hurt me deep inside.  She looked ten years older than her real age.  The last two years without my father had been hard on her, but she never let herself go down the hole of grief.

I walked to the other side of the room to take some blankets from a box of provisions we had there.  My mom was shivering in spite of her long pajamas.

“Go to sleep Mom,” I said as I covered her and Leslie with the blanket.

“No,” she said “you need your sleep more than I do, Jim,” I shook my head.

“You have work tomorrow, I’ll be doing nothing, sleep Mom,” I kissed her on the cheek and dimmed the light of the flashlight.  I sat there in the corner of the dark room thinking about how much my life changed in the last few years.  War ended up destroying all my dreams and my family as well.  The week before my father and brother were taken away we had planned to move to my grandparents’ farm.  But now we couldn’t.  No one was allowed to leave.

Suddenly, there was silence outside.  Finally over, I thought.  I heard a strange sound upstairs. It was so subtle that I thought I imagined it.  But there it was again.  As I was covering my mom and sister with some boxes to hide them, my mom woke up and looked at me confused.  I brought my finger to my mouth.

I went up the stairs slowly and silently.  I took my old baseball bat and opened the door.  The room was dimly lighted.  Whoever was there had a flashlight.

“Dad!” I screamed when I saw his face.  I ran to hug him, “Where’s John?” I asked him concerned.

“Right here,” John said.   I ran to hug him too.   They both looked thin and tired.

“Is the war over?”

“Yes,” he said smiling.  “The troops are being taken out, we are not supposed to be here yet but I wanted to see you.  Where are Jane and Leslie?”

“In the basement,” I heard a noise coming from the front of the house.  We all turned to see and my dad held his gun close to him.  A soldier entered the house and aimed at my father.   I pushed him out of the way and felt something going through my stomach.  I fell on the floor shaking.  I heard two more gunshots and then my father’s face appeared in front of me, my brother next to him.

“Jim, please. Don’t go, please,” I heard my father beg.

“I love you,” were my last words.

 My brother and father leaned over my empty body.  My mom came upstairs with my sister in her arms.  She smiled so happily when she saw my father and brother, but stopped when she noticed the tears in their eyes.  She dropped on the floor with them.  They cried and screamed for a long time.  They were free to do whatever they wanted, to go wherever they desired.  But they couldn’t, they couldn’t leave my side.  The war was over and the country won, but they didn’t.  They lost the most precious thing that day.